I have some shocking news that was just discovered about children. They’re actually little drunk people! That’s right when you think about it the truth has been in front of us the whole time. Kids can get the giggles out of nowhere. They can forget how to walk and trip over their own feet. They’re clumsy and lose their balance. They babble on endlessly at times not making any sense at all.
The only thing is we never catch them drinking. How is it that little people stay so drunk yet don’t smell like alcohol or we never catch them with a bottle? Scientists led to a new discovery. That is that little people are coherently born drunk. Apparently since the end of alcohol prohibition, there has been enough alcohol induced to the public that genetics of humans have been altered. Young DNA turns sugar into alcohol, and since kids love sugar, this explains why they’re always drunk.
The shocking truth is out there about little drunk children and in fact, it’s the fault of us grown-ups. When we give them sweet treats and sugary drinks, we are only fueling their drunken behavior! By the time this effect wears off they are usually about between the ages of 9 and 13 years old. This is when medical professionals like to apply Ritalin and Adderall. By the time, they hit 18- 19 years old the Ritalin, and Adderall is no longer working unless it is mixed with actual alcohol. The strange pattern of alcoholism is now plainly evident, and it starts with little drunk children when they’re born.