The Shit You Would Believe if Only a Politician Said It

The shocking truth is all kinds of things go bump in the night. When you think you’re safe, you’re not safe, and you know how I know this? Because I do! I can assure you that everything that happens to you and everything that goes wrong is somehow or another Obama’s fault. If it’s not directly related to Obama, then it is guaranteed to have a trail to Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. These three nut sacks are responsible for the defamation of character on millions of Americans as well as citizens of the nations around the world.

The influential ways these aliens try to influence others to ritualistically followed them in a cult-like fashion is absurd. What’s even crazier is the amount of people that fall victim to their evil lure. There is an old folklore that states something about a cat showing up around political elections and it being bad. Breaking news this just in the Cat in the Hat was spotted running to the White House lawn!

So remember the next time you eat chicken nuggets you will discover purple cows have feelings too. The space chickens were sent here to poison you by the elders from other worlds. So we will not have to worry about this problem any longer as tech giant Apple is reportedly building a space station landing pad for the mothership to land and pick all the aliens up to take them home when our planet runs out of water. Our troubles are almost over as the planet is almost dry.

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